Essay: It's Good to Know More People, But Make Fewer Friends

It’s good to know more people, but make fewer friends.

Nowadays, people tend to get close too quickly, believing in the saying “the more friends you have, the more paths you have.” Many peers I’ve met in recent years, after getting to know people of social value or status—so-called “big shots”—try to engage enthusiastically, arrange meetings, and do their best to build a close relationship, hoping to become “close friends” in a short time.

However, interpersonal relationships are inherently phased: they inevitably go through stages of unfamiliarity, closeness, and then distance. Looking back on life, except for family, even lovers who once swore eternal love or friends who would go through fire and water for each other eventually become ordinary. A person with long-term wisdom should understand that getting close too soon or being overly intimate is poison to relationships—it cannot last and is always too much.

Learn to warm up slowly, and postpone the stage of closeness. Socializing is meant to provide enough support at critical moments. Before you have fully grown and before key opportunities in life arrive, you should learn to restrain your urge to make friends. Instead, focus on showing your own growth and accumulating upward momentum in your circle. When the time comes and you “rise with the tide,” most people will naturally want to get close to you—there’s no need to rush.

Learn to be enduring, and lower the degree of intimacy. Friendship, in essence, is a kind of responsibility, and actually a kind of burden. You need to manage the warmth of your relationships—not only to give others a comfortable distance, but also to help yourself maintain this goodwill for a longer time.